Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
As shirtless as possible
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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