question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
