MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
