I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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