He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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