If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Do vagina's smell?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
