Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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