Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just blew my weed a kiss
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
