like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
