I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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