My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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