Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
