they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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