after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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