she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
