but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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