I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
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