Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
