For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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