i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
