yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
