How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
