she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
