My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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