u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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