I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
