bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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