Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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