Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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