Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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