Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
