Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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