the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
