I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
