You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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