the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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