Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
