Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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