You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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