hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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