you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
