dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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