I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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