i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
