and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
