Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
