My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
