Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
