White coat. Heels.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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