Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
